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Windows 8.1 - How do I get into safemode?

I'd like to begin by saying, Windows 8.1 has been the worst OS I've ever worked with. Absolute worst.
HP DV6 6121tx

I was trying to get AMD drivers working properly so that FIFA would stop crashing. I read somewhere that installing the latest AMD Catalyst Beta with separate Intel drivers would work. I tried that, rebooted, and now I have a black screen after the Windows splash logo, with my mouse pointer visible if I move my mouse. So clearly something went wrong with the graphics driver installation.

No problem, I'll just simply boot into safe mode, uninstall the drivers, and experiment with some other drivers.
But no. F8 doesn't work, I know. Shift-F8 doesn't either. So I got my installation media, surely there would be a way to boot into safe mode with it!
Here's what I get.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.


There's supposed to be a 'Startup Options' button here, but for SOME reason, it's not. I have no clue what to do. I cannot fathom HOW Microsoft managed to make booting into SAFE MODE such a puzzle for an end user.


Some more background: After a similar graphics driver adventure last week, I got into safe mode (phew), tried to uninstall AMD drivers. I got an error about how this the installer cannot run in safe mode (what?!). I tweak some registry key to get it working. It failed to uninstall properly. I rebooted, and then I was absolutely unable to get OUT OF safe mode. Nothing I did changed that, each and every time Windows booted to safe mode.

I can't remember the last time I had such a bad experience with a Microsoft product. Really.
I'm fully in with the idea of backing up files in my C: drive and simply installing regular Windows 8 over this. BUT I can't access my C: drive via Ubuntu because Windows has LOCKED that partition because of it's fast-boot nonsense.


ARGH.

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